[ all ambitions of tempting fox by being naked in the shower forgotten, mingyu hurries out into the living room, out to the balcony, flinging it open to drag fox into his arms to kiss deeply, wet and singed and all. ]
[ He doesn’t have time to get even a syllable past his lips before Mingyu is dragging him in for a kiss, his sodden clothes pressing up against bare skin. The force of it was somewhat surprising, but Fox wasn’t complaining. He slipped arms around Mingyu’s waist and pulled him closer, leaning up to deepen the kiss.
He only broke it when he needed to breathe. ]
You’re going to get cold, [ He murmured. ] And you’re probably giving the people in the building opposite an amazing show.
[ there came no reply from mingyu, instead dragging fox inside as he gave them both a scant few seconds to breathe, then reclaimed fox's lips in another desperate kiss. he walked backwards into the house, making sure fox follows, getting halfway down the hall to the bathroom before he paused also, breathing hard. he picked up both of fox's hands in his own, squeezing them tight. ]
I love you.
I love you so much it scares me. I love you so much it doesn't even matter that I'm scared.
No, it's— It's not that kind of scared. I mean, I worry about that sometimes, but.
[ mingyu smiled, aching and warm. he kissed fox again, most softly this time, less demanding. ]
...I'm afraid most of the time, of all kinds of things. Mostly having things to lose. So I— Everything I've ever done is to feel safe. The traps, the public persona, the money, all of it. It's never worked. But I can't... not chase it, feeling safe. Secure.
[ drawing in a tight, anxious breath, mingyu let it out again in a quiet laugh, the sound grieved but somehow tender, fond. ]
Lately, more and more, it feels like— It feels like every step I take towards you is farther from that place, but I want this, right here, want you so badly I don't care.
[ Fox raised his hands, gently cupping Mingyu’s face, letting go of the other man’s hands for a moment. ]
Mingyu...Being with me definitely isn’t safe, I’ll admit that. But nothing is. At least you can feel secure in the fact that I’d do anything to keep you happy and whole, yeah?
But let’s not tempt fate by saying they can take everything else, huh? You’re throwing poor dutiful Mr. Wiggles under the bus.
[ murmuring this, mingyu let the topic drop for the moment as it wouldn't serve either of them to keep dwelling on mingyu's anxieties. it was early, they were tired, and there was nothing that could be said that would change anything today.
fox wanted to be with him, wanted to stay with him. that was enough. it was more than enough. it was everything. ]
...I meant to have the shower ready for you, [ mingyu mentioned, laughing softly. ] And me, too. Sorry for getting preoccupied.
With the idea of losing me? [ He asked, genuinely curious. ] or the idea that I’d leave if you admitted you wanted me to stay? [ He pressed another kiss to Mingyu’s mouth, then pulled away, heading for the bathroom and pulling off his sodden shirt. ]
I mean, I was expecting you to pretend to give me the cold shoulder for a little while, at least, so I’m not complaining about the state of preparedness.
...mm, all of it, I guess. But I've been worried about the first bit for a while, even when I first made the plan to surprise you in the shower, so maybe more the latter.
[ padding after fox to the bathroom, mingyu grabs them some clean towels along the way, then steps past fox while fox is undressing to run the shower hot. as he did that, a thought occurred to him and he turned to fox again, grinning faintly. ]
—you thought I could last against your charms, huh? 'At least a little while' is pretty generous. You losing faith in your abilities, Huli?
I figured you were slowly building up an immunity, [ He teased quietly, but his smile wasn't quite as wide as it had been before, a tinge of worry slipped into it instead. But he finishes stripping, folding the sodden clothes over the edge of the sink and then stepping up to join Mingyu. ]
I don't mind a little role play when you want to pretend to be coy.
[ mingyu commented this softly, looking over the drop in fox's expression, that shadow of worry overcasting his smile. he reached out when fox drew near, pulling him under the hot shower spray to warm that chilled skin. ]
What is it?
[ rather than follow fox's line of teasing, mingyu ran his hands through fox's hair, leaning in to claim another brief kiss as he waited for an answer. ]
[ Fox shook his head, accidentally sending flecks of spray out from his tousled hair. ]
Nah, not - you didn't say anything wrong. I don't know. I just don't like that I worry you that much.
[ He frowned, stepping a little further back into the water to feel it drench through his hair before speaking again. ]
I don't blame you for not trusting me to want to be here, and I don't think anyone else would blame you either, but... I do want to be here, Mingyu. I didn't lie to you. I'm here because I want to be here, alright?
[ mingyu blinked, then frowned as well, expression shifting from confusion to embarrassment to guilt. he gave a hard swallow, then put his arms around fox's waist to draw him in, stepping closer as well to keep them beneath the water. ]
...it's not a reflection on you. I've worried all my life, about everything. Even when my parents were around, I still... Always imagined the worst happening, and—
[ he gave a tight smile and hard swallow. ]
I've worried more since the worst did happen, with them. It's nothing you're doing specifically, Huli. It's just... life. It's who I am, what I am in society. And perhaps a little of what you are in society, but I don't think there's anyone you could be that wouldn't still have me worrying.
[ touching fox's cheek, he fixed him with an apologetic look. ]
I know you want to be here. Me worrying is... just an occupational hazard of you meaning something to me.
Will you forgive me if that takes a little adjusting to? [ a nervous laugh escaped mingyu at that, burying his face briefly against fox's damp, bare shoulder. ]
I do believe you. I'm just... having a little trouble believing my own good fortune, I think. I keep... waiting for the other shoe to drop. The better this gets, the more uneasy I get.
[ lifting his head again, mingyu offered fox a shy, almost apprehensive sort of smile. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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especially not for saying that this feels like home
balcony
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He only broke it when he needed to breathe. ]
You’re going to get cold, [ He murmured. ] And you’re probably giving the people in the building opposite an amazing show.
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I love you.
I love you so much it scares me. I love you so much it doesn't even matter that I'm scared.
Thank you for coming home.
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Hey. Hey, come on. I'm okay. I wasn't not going to come back. I said I'd stay here, didn't I?
I'm not going to take off on you, alright?
I love you too. You don't have to be scared, okay?
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[ mingyu smiled, aching and warm. he kissed fox again, most softly this time, less demanding. ]
...I'm afraid most of the time, of all kinds of things. Mostly having things to lose. So I— Everything I've ever done is to feel safe. The traps, the public persona, the money, all of it. It's never worked. But I can't... not chase it, feeling safe. Secure.
[ drawing in a tight, anxious breath, mingyu let it out again in a quiet laugh, the sound grieved but somehow tender, fond. ]
Lately, more and more, it feels like— It feels like every step I take towards you is farther from that place, but I want this, right here, want you so badly I don't care.
They can have it all. Take it all.
I don't care.
As long as I have you.
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Mingyu...Being with me definitely isn’t safe, I’ll admit that. But nothing is. At least you can feel secure in the fact that I’d do anything to keep you happy and whole, yeah?
But let’s not tempt fate by saying they can take everything else, huh? You’re throwing poor dutiful Mr. Wiggles under the bus.
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[ at this, mingyu gave a thick swallow, then pressed on. ]
But I don't care, not when it comes to you. [ sighing, he slipped his arms around fox's waist, pulled him in, didn't even shiver from the cold. ]
Besides, I think you're missing the point a bit. It's not that I don't think I'm safe with you. I worry I might chase you off by accident, but.
It's you who's not safe with me, Huli.
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I'm safer with you than I have been in years, so, I think I'll take it over the alternative, if that's alright with you.
Come on. I was told I had to shower.
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[ murmuring this, mingyu let the topic drop for the moment as it wouldn't serve either of them to keep dwelling on mingyu's anxieties. it was early, they were tired, and there was nothing that could be said that would change anything today.
fox wanted to be with him, wanted to stay with him. that was enough. it was more than enough. it was everything. ]
...I meant to have the shower ready for you, [ mingyu mentioned, laughing softly. ] And me, too. Sorry for getting preoccupied.
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I mean, I was expecting you to pretend to give me the cold shoulder for a little while, at least, so I’m not complaining about the state of preparedness.
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[ padding after fox to the bathroom, mingyu grabs them some clean towels along the way, then steps past fox while fox is undressing to run the shower hot. as he did that, a thought occurred to him and he turned to fox again, grinning faintly. ]
—you thought I could last against your charms, huh? 'At least a little while' is pretty generous. You losing faith in your abilities, Huli?
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I don't mind a little role play when you want to pretend to be coy.
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[ mingyu commented this softly, looking over the drop in fox's expression, that shadow of worry overcasting his smile. he reached out when fox drew near, pulling him under the hot shower spray to warm that chilled skin. ]
What is it?
[ rather than follow fox's line of teasing, mingyu ran his hands through fox's hair, leaning in to claim another brief kiss as he waited for an answer. ]
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Nah, not - you didn't say anything wrong. I don't know. I just don't like that I worry you that much.
[ He frowned, stepping a little further back into the water to feel it drench through his hair before speaking again. ]
I don't blame you for not trusting me to want to be here, and I don't think anyone else would blame you either, but... I do want to be here, Mingyu. I didn't lie to you. I'm here because I want to be here, alright?
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...it's not a reflection on you. I've worried all my life, about everything. Even when my parents were around, I still... Always imagined the worst happening, and—
[ he gave a tight smile and hard swallow. ]
I've worried more since the worst did happen, with them. It's nothing you're doing specifically, Huli. It's just... life. It's who I am, what I am in society. And perhaps a little of what you are in society, but I don't think there's anyone you could be that wouldn't still have me worrying.
[ touching fox's cheek, he fixed him with an apologetic look. ]
I know you want to be here. Me worrying is... just an occupational hazard of you meaning something to me.
[ a pause. ]
...meaning everything to me.
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You can worry about whatever you want, as long as you believe you mean everything to me too.
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I do believe you. I'm just... having a little trouble believing my own good fortune, I think. I keep... waiting for the other shoe to drop. The better this gets, the more uneasy I get.
[ lifting his head again, mingyu offered fox a shy, almost apprehensive sort of smile. ]
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
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[ He smiled back, warmly despite having to blink the water back. ]
But if I’m the best thing to ever happen to you, honestly that’s a pretty good legacy.
[ He leaned up for another kiss before taking Mingyu’s hands. ]
Come on. No more brooding. Help me scrub up so when I drag you back to bed you won’t complain that I smell like burnt hair.